Here comes #1
If you are reading this column, you and your wife are
probably expecting a beautiful baby, to which I say congratulations! You are already well on your way down the
path of parenthood. Make no mistake you
become a parent long before your baby is born, just as your child knows both
mom and dad long before he or she is born.
The road that you are on will be tough; it will lead you through
countless trials and conquests, ups and downs, and twists and turns. I am very fond of saying that parenting is a
contact sport, but the rewards are tremendous.
Each new skill, each new word, every new step you experience as your
child grows is an exciting and miraculous journey down the road of life. Enjoy the journey, the hard times and the
easy times. Nothing in life
compares.
There is so much to say about your role in breastfeeding
that I just can’t squeeze it in to the space limitations of one article, so we
will look at the role of the father in two parts. The first part will explore the roles of each
member of the breastfeeding team (Mom, Dad, and Baby). The second part will actually get down into
the mechanics of breastfeeding. You will
learn to assess what a “good latch” looks like and help you develop the skills
you will need to help your family breastfeed.
As a midwife, a lactation consultant and a father of eight (your read that right, 8)
beautiful breastfed babies I’m often asked to share my perspectives with new
parents. First, let me say, I have found
through personal and professional practice that almost everything is hard the
first few days or weeks with a new baby and breastfeeding is no different. You will do yourself a favor if you prepare
for the challenges ahead by learning all you can before your progeny is
born. I encourage you to talk to your
health care provider, your lactation consultant, and especially friends who
have successfully breastfed for more than six months. Learning from successful and experienced
breastfeeding friends is a good way to get honest accurate information and
avoid the myths that make breastfeeding so very challenging. I warn you to ignore the advice of couples
who failed at breastfeeding, as their perspectives, while honest, may not
always be accurate. Nothing teaches
better than success.
Before we can talk about your role in breastfeeding, we have
to answer the most fundamental question in the breastfeeding, why would anyone
want to breastfeed? In the old days we
used to talk about the benefits of breastfeeding, and you will still hear some
people mention it, but not me. Believe
it or not, breastfeeding doesn’t make your baby bigger, stronger, faster, or
smarter. Breastfeeding doesn’t make him
super human, it just makes him human.
The problem is that formula is incomplete nutrition, it is missing
several essential nutrients that a growing baby needs. Formula feeding makes your baby weaker,
slower, and dumber than his breastfeeding counterparts. Many people become offended at the notion
that formula feeding is substandard nutrition, you will hear them defend their
formula feeding history, but there is no hiding the fact, incomplete nutrition
will always affect your long term health.
There are indeed risks to formula feeding, just like there are risks to
eating fast food every day. If you eat fast
food three meals a day for two years you would be weaker, slower, and dumber
too. There is no doubt about it,
inadequate nutrition is inadequate growth.
Breastfeeding is perfect nutrition and as a human mammal your child is
designed to drink human milk made especially for him, by his mother. If you don’t believe me, there are more than
4000 well designed clinical trials, and hundreds of other sources to prove my
point. Honestly, if you don’t think that
formula is substandard nutrition you have been purposely hiding from the truth
and nothing I say here will help change your mind.
You will notice that I have taken great pains to welcome dad
into the breastfeeding relationship, and I do that for a good reason. The only person with more influence over a
mother’s breastfeeding success than the father is the baby; and baby is already
on board with this “choice” it is all he wants to do. The value that dad brings to this
relationship is often underplayed. When
you watch TV, read stories, or even read your wife’s precious pregnancy books
you will be hard pressed to find much useful information on dad’s job in
breastfeeding. Most of the medical and nursing personnel you will meet assume
that the father is either not able to help with breastfeeding, or simply not
interested. All the research available shows
that they are wrong. As the father of
the 21st Century I know you are smart, able, and interested in
helping to make motherhood and breastfeeding as easy and successful as
possible. I am certain that you are not
only interested in breastfeeding but that you are uniquely talented at it. Mothers consistently rate their husband’s
support as the most important contributing factor to breastfeeding success. The father is more important than grandmothers,
best friends, you are even better than nurses, doctors, and lactation
consultants. Together, the mother,
father, and baby will work to form a successful breastfeeding family. To enhance your family’s chances of success
everyone has to work together and focus’ their efforts on successful breastfeeding. So,
let’s talk about each member of the team.
The Mother’s job is to put the baby “in the kitchen”. That means that mom has to offer the baby the
breast. You will notice that I didn’t
tell you that a mother feeds her baby, because she doesn’t. The baby will feed himself. I always recommend (at least for the first
few days or weeks) that the mother take off all the baby’s clothes and put his
naked chest right up against her bare chest, once they are “skin-to-skin” cover
the two with a blanket. That way the
baby stays warm, and the mother stays modest.
With the baby in the kitchen, all you really have to do is wait for him
to do his job. If you really feel the
need you can coax him to nurse. You can
talk to him, pet him, stroke his face and mouth and encourage him to feed, but
ultimately the baby knows what he’s doing and all you really have to do is be
patient.
The Baby’s job is demanding, but the healthy newborn is well
prepared at birth. The baby has to
identify the breast, he will wrap his cute little hands around it, put it where
he needs it to be, open his mouth VERY wide and take the entire areola deep
into his mouth, down his throat and suck and swallow until satisfied. The more breast tissue a baby takes in, the
easier and more effective feeding will be.
Remember, it is the baby’s job to feed himself. He is bright, energetic and ready to feed
himself very soon after birth, usually within the first 48 hours. Don’t rush him, being born is hard work and
he is very tired after the adrenalin of birth wears off. If your healthy baby sleeps from 4 hours of
life until 24 hours of life, he is still a normal newborn. Mom, all you really have to do is hold him
close, keep him “in the kitchen” and allow him to do what he needs to do. Your healthy newborn will surprise you, I promise.
The Breastfeeding Father has the hardest job in the
family. I hate to say it, but it is
true. But have no fear; I know that you
are man enough to breastfeed for your family.
Dad, your job is to do my job when you take your lovely new family
home. When your bride wakes up at 3 in
the morning and needs help getting your progeny to the breast, she won’t ask me
or her midwife to help get the baby on, she’ll ask you. When you go home, the spotlight will be on. You are a powerful team member and your team
will have a much better chance to succeed if you are actively involved. So get in there, roll up your sleeves and
breastfeed. Don’t worry, I’ll show you
how, in part two of this series which I will post tomorrow. So hang in there, only 12 hours or so.
Sage Homme
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